05.12.2019
Last night it took me a lot of time to finally fall asleep. I moved around a damn lot and my mind wouldn't let me alone. My thoughts kept exploding and falling asleep. So I started talking out loud to myself. I do that once in a while when my thoughts are too overwhelming to let me think straight. I even read that talking to yourself can be a great help to organize your mind and concentrate on the important things.
There is still a lot going on in my head, including some personal business and I am not sure it will be sorted any time soon but the more I stop running away the more I accept myself and my past and every part of me, my problems and life the easier it is to keep going. I guess I still have to figure out a lot of things here and there but I found a way to start in the first place.
Also, I realized that each and every one of you out there should be more proud of yourselves! I know I quote my favorite actor a lot but since his actions made me part of who I am today I owe him a lot. He started this campaign that was related to his TV show but also to his own struggles in life. And whenever I struggle myself with anything really, I remember his inspiring words "Always Keep Fighting". I started trying to help others by spreading his positive vibes. Because of him, I started to slightly change my image of Family. It wasn't only him but also his colleague and another favorite actor of mine who kept me inspired for a while now.
My point is, that even though we all have our backs heavily loaded with struggles and stories, we have made it this far and no matter how hard a situation seems to be we got to keep going. By surviving the lowest points in life we get the chance to look back and be thankful for any experience. We are all growing from our past, from errors and mistakes that have been made and we get to live without limits.
I also realized another really important thing during the past weeks. No one can make a choice for you. And no one can make you do anything. They always have been, are and will be your choices to make and you got to keep that in mind.
Don't play the victim because it seems to be easier blaming somebody else for your problems. Been there, done that! The truth is that it never actually works out the way you would prefer. What matters are your actions and dealing with the consequences. Stay true and stay you. Do not let others manipulate you.
I know from experience that making a choice can be quite harder than it should be. Mostly because you don't know what you might have to face after you make a decision. Being afraid of the uncertain is probably one of the downsides of being human. But it isn't a bad thing at all. As long as you stick to your choice and deal with the things that come up after, you will be just fine.
Lying is the worst option. Because the truth will always catch up with you eventually. So be careful with your words.
I have enough experience to say that it is better, to tell the truth, and face the collapsing house of cards build on the lies than to stick with the doomed side of intrigues, hate, and anger.
You got to realize that mistakes are the best teachers for any of us and using them to evolve and do better than the person who messed up is a really valuable thing to do.
Even though it might sound sad I was able to spot a lot messed up actions in my family. I know nobody is perfect and I don't expect that from others anymore.
We live by Trial and Error and as long as we keep going and as long as we keep teaching each other by spreading good vibes or simply offering a hug to someone in need, I have faith that more and more people will be able to figure things out as well.
Thank you for listening.
Love you my pretties.
Laurie <3
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